Monday, July 7, 2008

Walking by Faith

**Warning! May be graphic content**

Mark and I have decided that it's time for us to start preparing for Sam.

We weren't going to at first because everything is so up in the air, but we decided that we really, honestly believe that she will be ours, and it's time to start acting like we're ready for her, and be walking in faith instead of being so worried about protecting our hearts. So, to that end I have begun organizing the room that will be hers, and I've begun pumping.


(here's the graphic part...skip if you don't want to read about nursing)
Yes, I am going to breastfeed her if possible. I nursed Tate, and it was a great thing for our family, and I feel called to do the same for Sam...or at least attempt. To that end I had three short pumping sessions today. I was unsure of how it would go, but it was fine. I was able to even get some colostrum! I feel very excited about that, and relieved, too. I'm not terribly surprised because it's been less than a year since I stopped nursing Tate (yes, I nursed him after he was a year old. Twice a day, morning and night. I wanted him to get the same nutrients while we were in Central America). We'll see how the rest of it goes, but for now I am encouraged.

I am also crocheting Sam a hat and booties to come home from the hospital. This is the hardest thing for me. As I sit here working on them, I am dreaming about her praying for her. If we don't get her, looking at those will be so hard. I won't be able to just save them for the next baby because they are hers. No one Else's. Only hers. But, if I feel compelled to make them, so I am. They are going to be forest green with either red and yellow flowers or pink and purple flowers. We'll see what kind of mood I'm in when it's time to embroider.

So, just so you're not surprised, here's how I think things are going to shake down. I really believe that we will be Sam's parents, but I think it will come down to the wire. I am hoping and praying that the birth father will really think about his options after the meeting tomorrow and just sign the papers, but I don't think that will happen. I think it will be after she's here and reality hits. That's fine, but I still hope it gets wrapped up in a neat little bow before she's born.

Mark and I are fully relying on God and his wisdom, power and grace right now. Satan has repeatedly tried (and sometimes succeeded) in discouraging us, but we confess and ask for forgiveness when our faith is weak. God has Sam's best interest in mind, he loves her more than we do. He is guiding everyone, and when we are at our weakest, he is strong.

"While we wait and wait and wait, and hope and hope and hope, God is basking in the glory being reflected back to him by his faithful servants." -Andy Stanley, Visioneering.