Thursday, October 1, 2009

Holding Hands

For far too long now I've been holding Jesus' hand with my right hand, and with my left hand I've been holding onto whatever brings material comfort.

Like, for example, our property manager's hand. We don't rely on that money to pay our must pay bills, but we've been using it to make ends meet for other things. Important stuff. Medical stuff. Security stuff. Not looking like you're ready for a flood stuff. Go on a date stuff. Get a second car stuff.

But that stuff is not as important as Jesus.

Today our management company went out of business. They still owe us from August and September rent, as well as October. I doubt we'll ever see any of that money. It's gone. Just like April, May and June's rent. It was gone because our renters never paid.

(Sidebar, our current renters have paid everything on time. Our first renters we simply AMAZING. It's just the last string of stuff that's been a disaster).

I don't know why we've had such a problem with this house. Maybe it wasn't in God's plan that we bought it in the first place. I don't know. But I do know this.

God is Bigger.

We aren't going to be able to buy the new house in December. We're going to lose even more money.

God is Bigger.

We aren't hungry. We aren't lacking. We have health insurance. Mark has a job.

We are blessed.

Do I feel like we've been sucker punched in the stomach?

Yes, Yes. A thousand times, Yes.

But I keep coming back to the Word I got yesterday from the Holy Spirit. I was laying on the floor, it was [mostly] quiet because it was nap time. I was praying for direction with our house situation, unity for Mark and myself, and a word from the Holy Spirit. All I kept hearing was Abide in Me.

So, I will. I will stop holding hands with everyone else, and just hold hands with Jesus. I will turn to face him, look him in the eyes and hold both of his hands. Because the bottom line is that I don't need the security the world is offering. It's not real anyway.


The Purse Pantry said...

Jenni my heart hurts for you! I'm so sorry this mess has happened. I'm sorry about losing the house, I'm sorry things are stressful and I'm sorry I can't be there to love on you. We are praying for you guys....keep us posted. I love your heart! You are so encouraging. I love you!!

Christine Langager said...

Oh Jenni!! I'm so sorry! Can you sue the company and try to recover your rent that way? You are such a strong person! Hang in there=) xoxo!

Nate, Heather, Spence, and Trey said...

even though you're struggling, this is one of my fave posts! mark batterson always asks the question, "how big is your god?" BIG - our god is soooooo BIG!. ding - my word verification word is "taters" - how cool is that??? :) i love you! oh, another ding - i think buzz guyot will be calling mark about the house repairs stuff.