Monday, January 4, 2010

Privilege Revoked.

If you remember, I am fairly liberal with the clothing policy around our house. Some might even say that I am a bit too liberal. I wouldn’t have believed it until last week.

Let me start with some background. Pt. Time Lt. Wonderful has been in the navy for 12 years of his life. He has not had to dress himself professionally ever. Every aspect of his wardrobe was chosen for him; save his chonies…unless he was in his summer whites uniform and then even the color of his chonies were chosen for him. Basic white, unless you wanted everyone and their significant other staring, gaping at your nether regions. So, my darling Lt. never had to wake up and decide anything, he just made sure his uniform was ready the night before and went to work. It was easy.

Another tidbit about Lt. Wonderful-he’s super smart. He’d probably never tell you himself, but he graduated from a really good school with a degree in Mechanical Engineering, graduated top half in all of his post college schooling, and he was a member of the silent service (submarines). They’re a pretty selective group. I felt pretty confident about him finding a job when he got out of the Navy this past June, but I was a little unsure of the transition-suddenly he’d be working with women (there aren’t any on subs), he’d be dealing with civilians, and you have to negotiate for a lot more-pay raises, extra benefits, hours can be changed to suit your schedule-it’s a jungle out there! As the Lt. and I were talking before his first day, I asked him if he was nervous. He said he was.

I was shocked. This man never gets nervous. What, pray tell, could he be nervous about?

His clothes. He was nervous about his clothes. The dress is business casual and he was terrified about business casual. He had hoped to get a job where he could just put on a suit every morning and not have to think about it, but now he has to deal with the ins and outs of business casual. Being the doting wife I am, I helped him pick out his first day outfit, and we went out and bought several nice items that would work well together. I had the utmost confidence in his ability to dress himself, and do it well.

And with very minimal help from me, he was able to dress himself fairly well. I would occasionally make suggestions, and once or twice I did strongly encourage him to not leave the house wearing whatever monstrosity he had on, and he took my advice. But I could see that all of these decisions were wearing on him. I thought dressing himself would get easier with time, but it did not.

Then last Friday happened.

PT Lt. Wonderful woke up, dressed himself in a company polo and jeans and left for work. I was still in bed, feeling quite ill. When I woke up I saw I had missed a call from him, so I called him back immediately.

“Hey Hon, what’s up?” I asked when he picked up his phone.

“Um…so, you know how I have problems dressing myself?” He asked.

“Yes yes. I remember.”

“Weeeeellllllllllllllll, today may have been the worst ever. I got to McDonalds to install the fuel cell and I had to go to the bathroom. I went in and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My shirt looked really odd. I looked closer and realized that I’ve been walking around all morning with my shirt on inside out. And it’s a polo…it’s pretty obvious. So, I went in the bathroom to turn it around and then I had to pee. As I undid my pants, I realized that I put my underwear on backwards too…”

After laughing for about 3 minutes, hours,days, (OK, maybe I'm still laughing, it's really funny)  I agreed that my dear Lt. does need help. So, as a part of his Christmas gift, I have pledged to iron and set out his outfits for work every day, and do an inspection before he leaves the house.

Confidence, it’s the gift that keeps on giving, right?


Cadovius said...

This was a hilarious post!!!! yall crack me up

kayla said...

hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! enough said. love it!!

Kara said...

Oh,Little Brother!! Yipes!

I still wear uniforms to work... jeans and company shirt... but I can honestly report that I've never arrived in inside-out or backwards gear.

All I can do is promise not to show this post to your nephew.