Thursday, July 15, 2010

Prepping to Leave

I'm not sure how you prep to be away from your love, but I know how we do it around here.

LT Wonderful and I get prickly like porcupines.

We have short tempers, short fuses, short nights (no going to bed angry!) and LONG days.

Yes, folks, we fight.  It's almost inevitable.  When we're about to be separated, we always disagree. 

Back in the early dawn of of our relationship we had no idea that the looming threat of long distance was largely the reason behind our frequent disagreements.  After several goodbyes we finally began to catch on to the pattern.  I'd like to say it gets easier, and in some ways it does, but mostly it just sucks every time.

Let me clarify:  We do better and better with the being gone.  We've learned how to communicate well during absences and we know some of the tricks to help make time go by faster.  But we haven't figured out exactly how to stop the bickering that happens before. 

One couple I know would go to the movies the day before deployments.  At first I thought it was a horrible idea, but the more experienced I get, the better the idea seems. 

The bottom line is that we know what's going to happen.  We know that we're shielding ourselves from hurt (well, trying to) and that's why we're beginning to pull away.  But now that we've got a couple of little boys watching and listening, we've got to do better.  And we will.  Knowing what we're doing and why makes things a lot easier.  We recognize that our feelings are valid (and strong!) and the key now is to stop any potential blow ups by taking a step back. 

Or three.

If you see us in the next few days and we look a little grumpy, that's probaby why.  We still love each other.  LT Wonderful is still wonderful, we're just in that pre-trip funk.  So excuse the mess.  And we're fine, I promise!!

Peace and love,


Christine said...

I so get you here. We call it "the pre-deployment blow out" the inevitable bickering and usual big fight about nothing really, we're just mad, upset, and/or anxious at the situation and taking it out on each other. Now that we're older (and hopefully wiser) we can at least identify it and try to rein it's realllly hard though.

I'm sure we sound like raving lunatics to non-military/long separation spouses, but until you live it, there's no other way to get it. Hang in there mama, and maybe switch to paper plates and cups for the few weeks before you part ways to save the dishes from unfortunate endings;)