Monday, February 7, 2011


It has been an incredibly emotional couple of days.  I'm sitting here in the airport realizing that I have been completely stripped of nearly everything dear to me over the past few days.  Everything except for the one most important thing, the presence and peace of the Almighty.

I am here, without my boys.  This last week nearly everything other than Christ which was a part of my identity has been temporarily suspended.  My husband is literally half the world away.  My boys are at home in the very capable hands of my mother in law.  I had some very scary health issues.  My luggage didn't make it's connection.  My phone didn't have service.  My computer and Bible were in my luggage.

So here I am, for all intents and purposes not a (practicing) wife or mother to my children.  I can't call.  I can't check email to see how things are going. I don't feel confident in my health.  I can't read my bible because I don't have it with me.  All I have is the peace that I am right where the God of the Universe; who loves me more than I can imagine, wants me.

I'm essentially naked before him.

I can't occupy myself with anything.  The only words of peace I have are the words that I've hidden in my heart.  I don't have my normal responsibilities consuming my time.

And yet, I have seen the hand of the Lord more clearly in my life in these last few days than almost ever before.  As I rely only on him, he's revealing things to me about where I've been and where I'm going.  He's giving my the "why" behind so many experiences.  There have been so many questions answered, so many more asked.  There has been refining of vision, and renewed commitment to the purpose he has for us.

Yesterday when I finally received my luggage, I nearly wept.  I had my Bible back.  And then as quickly as I had it, it was gone again.

"Offer it." He said.

"But, Lord, it has the words of comfort, encouragement, exhortation and discipline from the past six years of my life.  It's priceless.  The most valuable thing I own."

"Am I not more valuable?  Do you really think that I won't continue to speak?  Don't you believe that I will give you words to fill another Bible?  Don't you trust me enough to give the one thing?"

"Yes, Lord.  But I'm sad.  It's means so much.  It's literally a part of me."

"That's why I've asked this of you, beloved.  The boy, he knows how important it is to you.  He knows it's sustained you.  That's why he needs it.  He needs to read our conversations.  He needs to know.  And those words weren't just for you.  They are for him, too.  And it's not the pages that are a part of you.  This is simply a book.  It's me that is a part of you and I will never leave you.  I live in you. So give it."

So with peace in my heart and tears in my eyes, I gave the last, most precious thing I had to offer him.  I can honestly say that I left here giving this boy everything I have to give.

I can't promise that he won't lose it tomorrow.  I can't promise he'll read it.  And I feel sad.  I miss my Bible.

But tomorrow I get my boys back and the next week my husband.   And tomorrow or Wednesday I get to go looking for a new Bible.  New blank pages waiting to be filled with what God shares with me.  And, hopefully, one day, I'll be able to give that away, too.

"It's never been harder to fall, there's nothing to grab and that's all I want to hold onto."


Anonymous said...

It is when everything is taken from us that we realize how much we have been blessed. Your Bible will go forth and reach others, as we know that the Word is never is sown without a harvest. We may not see the harvest now, but it is there. You also have the hope and joy of the restoration of your family. Life is and will always be good.

Britney said...

I love when God speaks.