Friday, July 22, 2011

The Why

I've been feeling kind of down lately.  I didn't really realize it until today.  I mean, I knew I was feeling kind of off, but I didn't realize that I was feeling sad until today.  I should have known, yesterday just about everything made me tear up.  I got two pictures from Nicaragua from my girl Heather, and my eyes started leaking as soon as they flashed on the screen.  Seriously!

I rationalized my feelings by saying that I started going to the gym this week, so of course I'm extra tired.  Also, LT Wonderful is out of town on a business trip so I'm a little overwhelmed with being a single parent this week.  I've also been staying up later than I should because, well, I can.  Theo has also been feeling a little off...he's running a low grade fever and chewing on everything in sight.  I suspect he's teething. 

I was driving to the store today with the boys, and the car was uncharacteristically quiet.  Tate broke the silence with a poignant question, and he nailed the issue right on the head. 

"Mom?  When do we get to go back to Nicaragua?  I really miss my hermanos.  I think it's time we see them again."

It hit me like a rock.  I'm missing Nicaragua so much it hurts.  We probably aren't going down until November and it's killing me.  I know it's the right choice, I know the long term benefits outweigh the short term ones, but I really want to be there now.  This will be the longest I've gone without going to visit since our first trip.  And I miss it, I miss them, terribly. 

I did get a phone call today.  It was wonderful.  My eyes may have leaked again afterwards just from the joy of chatting with one of my kids. 

So, please bear with me while I work through some of my missing.  I can't promise it will get better, but LT Wonderful is getting home soon, so that will help. 

There is a silver lining!


Anneke said...

Sending lots of love and hugs your way....